Regrets of a Father
by Time Flares
Summary: When Shawn gets into trouble after a fight with his dad, will Henry ever be able to forgive himself?
1. Chapter 1

Shawn drove his motorcycle solemnly down the highway as he thought about the events of the night.

Just a few hours ago he was supposed to have a nice dinner with his father. He arrived at his house, with no clue as to why he was there, until he got inside. Apparently Henry had been going out with a woman (Lucile, he learned after noticing a sterling silver necklace of the name around her neck) for over a month now, and his father decided just now to tell him.

Shawn had never been fond of the thought of any other woman, rather than his mother, being with his dad. He'd been with a few different ladies over the years, but always had the decency to tell him. It got heated right after Henry said that the reason he didn't tell him was that he thought he was being too childish as of late, and that he didn't think he could handle it maturely.

"I think I'm just going to go" Lucile said shyly.

"Yeah, I think that'd be best" Shawn stated coldly, eyes not leaving from his father.

After the door closed behind her, Henry started yelling at him for ruining things and overreacting.

Shawn huffed out a laugh void of humor, "Overreacting? You've been with this lady for over a month, and you decide just NOW to tell me?!"

"I do have a life outside of you, Shawn. Have you ever thought that not everything has to include you?"

"Yeah, I sure as hell wasn't included when you and mom decided to split up." Shawn said, with a tinge of hurt in his voice that flew right over Henry's head.

That was the last straw for Henry. "Maybe if you were never born your mother and I would still be together!" He yelled.

The fury fled from Shawn's eyes. He didn't really mean that, did he? Of course he did, he said it.

Usually Shawn would have retorted with some hurtful comment to have the last word, but this time he just fled with tears in his eyes.

He knew his father and him had never really seen eye to eye, but did he really wish he had never been born? No, he said that he might still be with his mother if he'd never been born. But that's basically the same thing, right? He knew his father didn't want to get the divorce, and that he still cared for his mother, so maybe he really would be happier if he'd never been born.

So here he was, driving aimlessly for the past 3 hours, and almost out of gas.

He pulled off the highway as soon as an exit with a gas station came up.

He drove up and parked, realising that he had not actually had dinner, like he was planning to with his father. Shawn went inside and started looking around for something to tide him over until he got back to his apartment.

He was about to settle for a honeybun when a rough looking guy walked through the doors. Shawn was about to go back to his honeybun choosing when he saw the man reach for a gun tucked in the back of his jeans.

Now Shawn had always been a "act now, think later" kind of person, so he did the first thing his instincts told him to.

He fast walked up to the guy and placed his hand on the gun he was reaching for. He leaned in close and whispered in the man's ear.

"Hey, buddy. Do you really think you want to do this? You got your whole life ahead of you. Just leave now and I won't say anything."

The man calmed and Shawn backed away. He looked like he was about to leave the store when he whipped around and fired his pistol.

Shawn then felt a lot of pressure in his chest, and then the pain came.

He heard the man yelling at the cashier. "You want the same thing to happen to you, huh? No? Then put the money in the bag."

Shawn laughed at that in his head. 'How more movie-cliche could he possibly get?'

He was guessing that the guy got what he wanted, because he was leaving now and there were no more shots fired.

There were sirens in the distance, and a cloth being pushed down on his chest.

"Hang in there, buddy. The ambulance is almost here."

He was guessing that was the cashier. He sounded like a nice guy, maybe they could get a drink or something after this.

Then there were people lifting him onto a stretcher. Where did the time go? Didn't the robber just leave? He was probably drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Male, early thirties, shot to the chest."

"Sir, can you open your eyes?"

"Can you tell me your name?"

Shawn felt really tired right now, couldn't these questions wait till later?"

"Sir?"

Guess not.

He took in a shuddered breath and blinked his eyes open to bright lights. "My name's Shawn."

"Good, Shawn. My name is Laura. I just need you to stay awake and sit tight. Can you do that for me?"

Shawn nodded, even though he could really use a nap right now.

After about half a minute he couldn't stay awake any longer. He heard some beeping and people shouting at each other, but that didn't matter.

He gets to take his nap now.


	2. Chapter 2

The visual of the light fading from Shawn's eyes kept replaying in Henry's head.

'Maybe if you were never born your mother and I would still be together!'

How could he have said that? How could a father say that to his own son?

Sure, Shawn was in the wrong when he first arrived, making his date leave and ruining the night. But that was no excuse for what Henry said.

The last time the father and son had this serious of a fight, Shawn left and didn't talk to him for years. Would this time be the same? Would he see his son again soon, if ever again?

Henry had brought up the courage, and was about to call Shawn when his phone rang. He went and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Henry W. Spencer?"

He slumped at the fact that it wasn't his son calling. "Yes, who is this?"

"I'm calling to inform you that your son, Shawn, has been shot."

It felt as if all the air had left his lungs. No, no. Not like this. Not when the last thing Henry ever said to him was so cruel. Hell, this was all his fault. If Shawn hadn't left this probably would have never happened. He realized he had dropped the phone when the woman on the other end started asking for him.

"Where is he."

"Santa Barbara Memorial Hospital."

With that he hung up the phone, grabbed his coat and keys, and headed out to his pick-up.

'Hang in there Shawn, please. I'm so sorry.' He thought as he pulled out of his driveway and started to dial his phone.

* * *

Gus was still at the Psych office doing paper work when his phone rang. He saw the caller ID and picked it up.

"Hey Mr. Spencer," he said in a friendly yet tired tone, "what's up?"

From Gus' warm greeting Shawn obviously didn't talk to Gus about what happened.

"Gus, Shawn has been in a an accident. I need you to meet me at Santa Barbara Memorial."

Gus sucked in a sharp inhale of breath. No matter how many times Shawn has gotten himself into trouble he's always seemed to get out without more than a scratch. Henry sounded pretty rattled, so it must be serious.

"How-"

"I'll explain when you get there. Please-" Henry's voice cracked, "please. I need you there."

Gus was already out the door. "I'll be there soon." Then he hung up.

'Please be ok, Shawn.' He thought as he sped down toward the hospital.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi, this the author. Sorry for taking so long to update, honestly I forgot about this fic. But anyways here it is and I hope you enjoy. :)

* * *

When Henry arrived at the hospital he barely bothered to stop the car before he got out. But as a man of the law, he made sure he wasn't parked in the emergency lane. Though in his mind, this was an emergency.

After a short jog through the parking lot Henry arrived at the front desk. He must have been some sight, because as he slumped against the counter, the young woman behind it jumped and widened her eyes.

"I'm-", Henry huffed, "here for my son. He was shot. His name is Shawn Spencer."

The woman visibly relaxed, she probably thought he was crazy. But being a worried parent was almost the same thing.

"He's in surgery right now, he'll probably be for another hour. Please take a seat sir. Do you need some water?" The thought of anyone catering to him while his son was dying made Henry physically ill, but he was parched. He nodded, and the woman smiled and turned to get him the drink. Henry then went to go take his seat and wait for more news.

Henry was opening his bottle of water when Gus burst through the front doors. He looked around like a scared kid before his eyes landed on Henry. He ran up and started rambling, "Where's Shawn? Is he ok? Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god. He's dead isn't he? I'm too late." Gus then dropped to his knees and started bawling. Henry knew Gus was emotional, but right now he was just being irrational. He got up from the uncomfortable waiting room chair and knelt down next to Gus.

"Hey, Gus. Gus, come on. He's not dead-" Henry had trouble saying that, "he's in surgery right now. I haven't gotten any word on how he's doin' yet so let's just calm down, okay?"

Gus let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, and nodded quickly. Shawn wasn't dead. He couldn't be. So he rose from the floor and walked over to where he had previously been sitting with Henry's arm around his shoulder.

Seeing Gus so distraught only made Henry feel worse. He brought this upon the man that felt like a second son to him. He didn't think Gus would ever forgive him if he knew that he was the one that put Shawn here.

So they waited. Gus was twiddling with the string hanging off his sleeve while Henry just stared, periodically taking sips of his water. Every time a nurse would walk into the waiting room Henry leaned forward in his seat, hoping news had finally arrived about his son. But to his disdain, every one of the doctors that passed were for someone else. He had learned so much about the people around him in just the 30 minutes (which felt like hours) that he'd been sitting there.

The couple in the corner were holding hands, apparently their daughter had cancer and had suddenly fallen gravely ill. The man in the middle row seemed pretty content, he had a cast around his arm, waiting to see if his insurance company was going to get back to him. And then there was the man that looked just as concerned and nervous as he was. He hadn't heard anything, but he supposed he was waiting for someone he cared deeply for. Just like himself.

The thoughts kept swirling in his head. Images of his son, lying on the ground, in pain and bleeding out. Then more came of Shawn on the operating table, with the line on the heart monitor going flat. This was unbearable. But then again, he deserved it. If Shawn didn't make it through surgery he didn't know what he'd do, how he'd go on knowing that he let him go.

Then a tall, thin doctor entered the room. "Family of Shawn Spencer?" Henry sat up straight in his seat. The doctor noticed the action and moved over to him. Henry then stood and shook the doctor's hand. Gus was by his side now too.

"I-I'm Shawn's father, Hen-"

But he was cut off by Gus, "Is he okay?"

The doctor sighed, but then smiled wearily. "We had a few complications but he's going to be just fine. You can see him in a little while, but he needs to rest right now."

Relief spread through the both of them. Henry thanked the doctor multiple times before he was called away to other duties. Both men then sat back down and waited. And as those uncomfortable chairs became a little more bearable, Henry silently thanked any, and every invisible force that was listening.

After about an hour of sitting there and refusing Gus' pleas for him to eat, Henry couldn't stand it anymore. He needed to see Shawn. He slowly got up and strolled cautiously over to the front desk. After all, he didn't want to frighten the woman again. She looked up at him and smiled, despite being startled by him earlier.

"Hi, um the doctor came in earlier about my son, Shawn Spencer. I was just wondering if we could see him now." Henry said with as much politeness as he could muster.

The woman smiled brightly again, "I'll go check on that for you."

Henry smiled back as genuinely as he could and thanked her.

He stood there tapping his fingers for a couple minutes when finally she came back.

"The doctor that operated on Shawn, Dr. Lycan, said that he's still under anesthesia, but you can see him."

Henry thanked her again, and motioned for Gus to come over. Gus looked at the woman expectantly.

She grabbed a clipboard and came around the desk. "If you're ready I can take you to see him now."

Henry and Gus both nodded and started moving with him as she led them through the many hallways of the building. She finally stopped them in front of a door. "He's right in here, just click the pager if you need anything."

"Thank you so much," Henry looked down to her name tag, "Hope."

She smiled at him warmly and walked back in the direction they came from.

"Well, after you Mr. Spencer." Gus said anxiously.

Henry let out a sigh, knowing that the worst was yet to come.


	4. Chapter 4

As Gus opened the door to Shawn's room and started to enter, Henry felt himself frozen in place. Although Shawn was unconscious, he still didn't know if he could face him yet without breaking down on the spot. Gus gave him a confused look when he saw Henry hasn't entered yet. Henry snapped out of his daze and gave Gus a small smile, but Gus could see right through him. He knew something was wrong from the moment he arrived at the hospital, other than his son on the brink of death. Gus wasn't usually such a dark person, but he couldn't help but think the worst.

Henry cautiously entered the room while Gus closed the door. He was right about one thing, facing Shawn was a challenge in itself. He looked like death itself; ghostly pale, a tube down his throat, sunken eyes, and wires hooked from him to all sorts of machines. The only thing that convinced him that Shawn was still amongst the living was the steady beeping of the heart monitor.

He quickly turned his head away from Gus to hide the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Though Gus wasn't as shy with his emotions. He quickly moved over to the bed and knelt down, taking Shawn's limp hand in his. Gus sniffled, "Oh Shawn, I'm so so so so sorry. I should have been there. I mean I know there was no possible way I could have known where you are or any reason I'd be with you considering tonight was dinner with your dad." Then Gus thought for a second, and looked up to Henry. "Wait, why wasn't he with you?"

Now Henry could have lied and said Shawn left early, or cancelled (because he had done that before), but Gus has always been fairly good at reading him. He would know if he wasn't telling the truth, so Henry decided to come out with it now, rather than from Shawn later.

"We got into a fight. I had a woman over to join us for dinner, thinking he'd be mature about it. I should've known he'd be childish about it. He doesn't care about anyone but himself." Henry said in that tone of voice only two people had ever challenged, who both happened to be in that very room.

Gus stood up immediately, while still managing to softly set Shawn's hand down. "Are you kidding me right now?! Shawn got shot and you have the nerve to put it on him? You know how Shawn feels about you with other women! It might not be a big deal to you anymore letting go of Maddie as a wife, but Shawn will never be able to let go of her as his mom. You may not love each other the way you used to, but that hasn't changed anything for Shawn. You have to think from his point of view."

They both stood there in silence for a few moments, Henry in shock at the truth of the words, and Gus in shock that he had said them. Then Gus thought of something, "You said something to him didn't you?" Gus knew that Henry must have said something bad for Shawn to just decide to leave.

Henry couldn't tell him, he just couldn't. Gus would never forgive him if he knew. But Gus had already realized his words rang true with the prolonged silence.

"What did you say?"

Henry sighed, "I...I said that if he were never born, maybe Maddie and I would still be together."

Gus looked down at Shawn and closed his eyes, "You son of a…", but he cut himself off. He knew he'd regret saying it later.

"You must know that I regretted it the moment I said it, I would never say that to him."

"But you did." Gus snapped.

"I know, and I wish I could take it all back."

Gus sighed and pulled a chair up to the bed. He sat down taking Shawn's hand in his again. "Well it doesn't matter what I think. You'll just have to explain it to Shawn when he wakes up...and hop he believes you."

Henry decided he'd step out for a little while. He couldn't just stand there and wait and longer. "Hey, uh, I'm going to step out for a little bit, do you need anything?"

Gus sighed again at Henry's attempt to be nonchalant. "No, I'm fine. Just...come back soon. You should be here."

Gus was right. He should be here. In that very bed instead of his son. He didn't deserve to be breathing when Shawn could barely do it himself.

"You're right," Henry said suddenly, and then pulled up another chair on the opposite side of Gus, "I need to be here."

Gus nodded his head sadly. So they sat there until they both drifted off in the slightly-comfier chairs, awaiting further progression of Shawn's condition.

* * *

They both awoke awhile later to the quickening beeping of the heart monitor. Jolting up in a panic, both Henry and Gus looked down at Shawn who looked as though struggling to breathe.

Gus put a hand on Shawn's shoulder, "Shawn?! Shawn what's wrong?!" He asked, even though he knew Shawn couldn't answer with the tube down his throat. The tube.

"Shawn! Shawn. You can breathe, it's okay. It's just the ventilator down you throat. Just calm down, breathe." Shawn was still panicking but he looked to be coming to his senses. That's when the doctor and a couple nurses arrived. They escorted Gus and Henry aside, despite their futile resistance.

Dr. Lycan moved into Shawn's sight to get his attention and then started talking to Shawn explaining how if he held still and calmed down, he'd take the tube out. Shawn stilled himself as much as he could, though he was still shaking, and nodded.

A few minutes later and the ventilator was out and Shawn had physically calmed. Dr. Lycan them explained some things and talked to both Shawn, Gus, and Henry about his condition. "It seemed worse than it actually was, the bullet missed all major organs, in my professional opinion it was more of a graze. Though, if not for that cashier you would have easily bled out. The cashier has already given his statement, looks like you're the hero type, Mr. Spencer. Not everyone would have the courage to do what you did."

Shawn's throat still being sore from the tube just nodded. The doctor then smiled and left with the nurses, leaving a quiet and awkward silence in their wake.

Gus was the first to speak, "What did you do?"

Shawn finished the ice chips he was eating, cleared his throat, and told them a brief, downplayed version of what had occurred in the gas station. Shawn may have a fairly large ego, but he didn't like to be talked up to be some kind of hero. He just did what he'd been taught to do since he could walk.

Gus and Henry were shocked. Sure, they knew how reckless Shawn could be when others were in danger, but it never ceased to amaze them the lengths he would go to to keep people safe.

This time Henry spoke first, "Shawn, I'm so proud of you. I...I'm so sorry for what I said back at the house. I should never have said it, or even thought it. It's completely untrue. I was just looking for something to retort with. You have to know that I would never wish you gone. Shawn, you're my son, I love you and I've never been prouder of you."

Now it was Shawn's turn to be shocked. He honestly was expecting his father to try and throw the blame back to him. All anger had fled from him. He himself knew the wrongs that could be said in the heat of an argument.

Shawn then smiled. He wanted to say so much to his dad, but with his throat still sore he decided to keep it short. "I love you too, dad." Shawn all but whispered in a scratchy voice.

Gus smiled and walked over to Shawn and put his hand on his shoulder, "We're glad you're okay."

Shawn gave Gus a sideways smile as his eyes started to droop.

Henry noticed his drifting off and grinned. "You get some sleep, we'll be here when you wake up."

Shawn smiled again and shifted down into the bed. Henry and Gus both took their spots in the chairs again, feeling much more relaxed this time around.

Henry then cautiously took Shawn's hand in his and gave it a small squeeze, silently hoping he wouldn't reject it. But with the smile still gracing his lips, Shawn gently squeezed back. And in that moment, Henry knew that this time, they'd be okay.

* * *

Well, that's all, folks! I hope you enjoyed this and that I portrayed the characters well. Sorry for the short chapters, though. I'll work on that in future stories. Anyways, thanks for reading!


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